Finding Normalcy

When we’ve had a shock to our system

it can be hard to immerse ourselves in our

regular lives. We stumble. We stare. We

contemplate our worth at 2PM on a random Tuesday.

It can take all our strength to find normalcy. So we cling

to rituals, no matter how mundane. I clean ~ vacuum every corner,

throw things away, try to clear space for the words that haven’t

come yet.

I rearrange things I have grown tired of looking at. Hoping a painting

or photograph will speak to me from some new place, shed perspective on

what they’ve seen within these walls.

But you begin to realize that days . . . weeks have passed and

the time has come to push yourself ~ harder than you ever

have before. You must fight this numbness like the enemy it is.

Because there is an ocean inside you, desperate to get out,

suffocating the joy that comes from the simple things. The things that

once mattered so much. The things you would long for, if you could.

So today I cleaned my palette. Spread some new paint onto paper.

Nothing particularly beautiful or striking, but important, nonetheless.

Because this is my first step on the way out of this place that

limits the depths of who I will become. I am going through

the motions, even if I don’t feel it yet. Because in my heart,

I know, I will. I just need to be patient as I get there.