July 18, 2016
I have a habit of rebooting my blog. By rebooting, I just mean,
starting again after a long absence from posting. It’s such a strange
thing when I really think about it, since writing has always been my
inspiration, my passion, who I am at my core. So why do I run from the
thing that makes me feel alive?
It’s the same way with my art. I create in waves, usually when it’s tied
to a deadline. So for the past month I’ve been working on orders for
The White Crane Gallery and The Blue Pomegranate Gallery and,
now that the work is done and
the pieces have been delivered, I’m finding it hard to start again.
I’m in avoidance mode. I clean the house, my studio, organize papers,
make lists of all the things I want to do or should be doing.
My house looks lovely and tidy, but not much actually gets done.
It’s this annoying dance I’ve become way too familiar with.
I could do it in my sleep. It’s like there’s some kind of fear
stirring in my belly, telling me to stop, but I can’t name it or figure out
why. And the more I focus on it, the harder it is to conquer.
I eventually get past it, but it isn’t always pretty. Sometimes
it’s a few days, sometimes weeks, and after the holiday rush in
December, I usually don’t fully recover until spring. And once I start
creating again I feel guilty for all the time I’ve wasted.
I know that I need “down” time. We all do. But I’m searching for ways I
can find more balance, so my creativity isn’t always so fast and furious.
If I truly want to succeed at this art thing, I need to find new ways to
sustain it. So right now, I’m focusing on the words. My blog. The place,
for me, where I work things out, make sense of the madness that can be
this life and make space for my voice.
Life is a struggle sometimes. For everyone. For many different reasons.
But when we’re authentic and keep trying, keep reaching out, I feel like
that is when the world begins to open up and, even if it’s slowly,
shine some light into the darkness.